The Components and The Techniques of Communication with Children

Some parents may become confused and upset when dealing with mischievous children. Also, many become frustrated with their inability to communicate effectively. It is important to understand that there are specific communication techniques and it is imperative to always be aware, that children are children and not 'small adults’. In this essay, I will elaborate on the  components, strategy and technique of communication with children; the toddler, which usually pertains to the 1-3 year olds and the pre-school age which is generally in the 3-6 year range. 

Sound communications lead to tighter relationships and may ease potential difficulties and problems. To begin with, we need to be aware of the strategy of relevant communication skills, because each component has the ability to enforce the technique. They involve touch, the environmental and physical proximities, listening skills, visual communication, intonation, body language, and sequential monitoring. They combine to both effect appropriate conversation and to allow children to freely express their feelings. However, in this essay, I will provide the explanation of just five basic, communication component techniques. 

Touching is a pivotal component. Whilst some deem touching as a trivial and ineffectual act, it is in fact a wrong thought. Touching can be described as hugging, coaxing, embracing and contact via play and personal needs. The result is that children feel pleasant and are encouraged to orate their pleasure. They often associate these experiences with love, trust and safety. 

Physical and Environmental Proximity; and familiarity must also be duly noted, especially for those practitioners and associates that are new faces. Every child has a ‘comfort zone’ that must be assessed before we begin to converse with them. If we fracture their comfort zone, it can create distress, which may manifest itself in a disturbing array of behaviors. Therefore, the subtlety of the first meeting is of paramount importance. Establish eye contact, keep an appropriate distance and show appreciation and praise; and above all, keep conversation simple. Talking about the environmental proximity, the area should be stimulating and interesting, but not cluttered. Educational and colorful murals and an appropriate selection of play equipment and toys can create a friendly and cozy place and encourage relaxation, occupation and play. 

Eye Level; As adults, we need to adapt to each other in relation to this reality. At times we need to project our voice, or find a common arrangement that will allow comfortable and effective participation in conversation. Likewise, we can reduce anxiety and fear and encourage relative communication when relating to children, if we take into account, this very important fact. Sometimes, we need to meet their level and we can achieve this in a variety of ways. We can kneel, sit, interact in play and music, or in some cases, where appropriate, lift the child. The relevance is equally important with children, as it is with adults. It will promote communication. 

Listening; This is a challenging aspect because some parents, for whatever reason, often miss out on this important event. In the first instance, we need to be in tune with their requests and one of great priority because of safety. Then we need to assess the difference between 'need' and 'desire', and guide the child accordingly. When we interact in conversation, we use appropriate mechanisms, to encourage creativity and to fulfill inquisitiveness. In return, the child learns relevance and awareness of their social position and as a result, they become more socially acceptable. It is normal for them to be talkative, demanding, possessive, generous, selfish, overwhelming and the like because at this early stage in life, their greatest awareness, is of their own primary needs. The toddler and pre-school children have a high degree of curiosity because of the necessary adjustments they need to make towards the ever-changing world they live in. When they progress through this phase, they encounter new challenges and it is this early grounding that helps them cope. Ultimately, the fulfilment of curiosity. When children ask questions, naturally they expect an answer and in most cases, it will also require an explanation. Responding appropriately will help fulfill their curiosity, encourage development and increase their knowledge. We can hone our listening skills by practicing active listening and developing the necessary skills. Some points to cognize are:  paying attention, clarification by using reflection, synchronising our perceptions, displaying empathy, maintaining neutrality, being assertive and delivering justice. 

Body language; This is displayed to show that the communication is going well. Use the open gesture of leaning forward, to attract the children's attention: arms held loosely by your side, maintaining eye contact, hands moving freely in subtle gesture, a soft stance and some slight body swaying, head up, calm, confident, slow movements, smiling and friendly facial cues. Good body language will encourage conversation and combined with the appropriate intonation, will  drive the technique of communication well. 

Organise the intonation. When we are talking, it has been determined that most children respond to high sounding intonation. The unique example by Abilene Clark when she talks to the toddler in the movie The Help, depicts this. Components used for developing the technique of communication. 

The first technique is referred to as the ‘I’ message.This technique uses the speaker’s point of view; not the child’s. The purpose of this message is to use assertive expression to effect a change in inappropriate behaviour.When a parent becomes upset and confused about how to control their children when they misbehave or become unruly, they first need to stay calm. Do not scold them instantly, rather, try to make them understand your expectation. For  example, if you are in an official arena and your children become noisy or misbehave, it is better not to physically punish them, or openly scold them in front of others, rather, one needs to impress upon them as to how difficult the situation has become personally, for yourself. Simply, one could say, “Dear, I’m sad if you behave like that and I am afraid that we may be asked to leave, if you cannot stop your noise.” Using this method, an adult or parent needs to perform the role of a third person, to stimulate the child into sharing their feelings and thoughts. 

The second technique is known as the third person technique. When a child is experiencing some difficulty and doesn't want to share their feelings, we can diverse by creating and tellingly a story. “Dear, I have a friend who has a daughter like you and after she ate some food in an eatery near her school, she felt pain in her stomach and coughed every day. Do you feel like this?” Using this scenario, the adult invents the third person, who is portrayed by the daughter of her friend. In short, we can describe this technique as a ‘satire or parody.’ We use a third party to encourage conversational participation and ultimately draw from the child concerned; the problem. Using this technique though, we must consider three possibilities of response. They may accept the scenario and be encouraged to describe their feelings. They may reject the prompt and not co operate. They may remain silent. 

The third technique is recognized as the ‘dream’ technique. Sometimes, parents don't thoroughly assess their child's real feelings. One suggestion is that they ask their children about their dreams: good and bad. This technique may explore their actual unconscious, thoughts and feeling that may be a result of being under pressure.

The fourth technique is using ‘if’ questions. These questions are for exploring a potential situation that is occurring and considering the various choices of solving it. One important benefit is, that children are encouraged to practice and create good coping skills, especially in a hazardous situation. One example being: “If you are alone in your home and suddenly you smell something burning, what would you do?” It is a proven fact, that the more the parents use this technique, the more their children learn about specific solutions, to the specific problems they may face. 

The fifth and final technique I want to share, is the 'pro and contra' technique. Through this medium, we can explore the things that children like and dislike and the things that make them happy and unhappy. To use this technique effectively, we first have to choose a topic; for example, ‘The Treatment in Hospital’. Then, ask them to think about five things they like and dislike about it. This technique will help the parents, or the adults concerned, to actually understand what children want, to fulfill their needs, solve their problems, meet their expectations, and so forth. 

These techniques have been used by professionals and parents alike and it should be noted, that further developments remain on the horizons of all concerned. Hopefully, this essay will help the parents or other adults to treat and communicate with toddler well.

Created by: Faiqa Himma Emalia
Advisor: Mrs. Siti Chodidjah, S.Kp., M.N.
Editor: Mr. Allan Bush